Really????

The poster, let's call him John S., wrote that he was retired from the armed services and regretted never having learned to dance. He would have liked to learn, he said. He said no more, just leaving that out there.

Another poster saw John's post. Let's call him Tanglefoot. Now Tanglefoot had been injured in an accident and he took dance lessons as part of his recovery therapy. It was something he'd always wanted to do as well, so he thought he'd be a sport and tell John all about it.

"I took lessons at a dance studio," wrote Tanglefoot. "The instructors were great ~ very patient ~ and I actually got very good at it, despite my disability. I don't dance to rock though, and I'm glad disco is dead, but I love being able to squire my lady around the dance floor to the slow tunes." He went to the trouble of including an URL to a national dance studio to help John out if he wanted to look into it.

But John came back with a little tidbit of information that he'd left out of his original post. "I lost my legs in Iraq," he said. "I don't much wear the prosthetics because they pinch, so I don't think I'll be dancing any time soon."

Tanglefoot was shocked, of course. But he was also angry. He felt used ~ taken advantage of by someone whose original post was not genuine... someone who just wanted sympathy and attention. Indeed, he felt bad for the guy, losing both legs, but he didn't like being misled, and sucked into the other man's self-pity.
Something stinks, Petunia


Tanglefoot himself was an amputee, having lost his foot in a winter climbing accident. But dancing had been the therapy he needed to gain the balance, physical strength and confidence he needed to manage now with the prosthetic foot. But while he was straight up about his disability, he didn't mention details because life isn't a contest and he didn't like to reduce it to one. He just didn't talk to John again.

Compassion? That cuts both ways, or at least it should. When someone presumes they are somehow more deserving of it and wastes someone else's time and effort in a pointless exercise, just to get pity and attention, they risk being denied the very thing they seek.

Yes, people like this have my pity, but not my respect. Perhaps that's partly because I know a great many people, mothers mostly, who face spirit-crushing challenges day in and day out with their kids, who aren't well, and who aren't always getting the medical care they need because of a backward medical community. These moms struggle to inform themselves through what is often a minefield of misinformation, and they take on the status quo and fight for their kids with amazing strength and determination. And they often do so without the support of loved ones... those very people they should be able to count on to stand with them. Then they turn around and help others who are tackling the same minefield, and they do so with love, compassion and grace. These are the people I admire and respect and for whom I have empathy and compassion.

But then there are the others.... I understand how Tanglefoot felt after his encounter with John S. People who are frightened and lonely will always have my sympathy. But I've made the same mistake as Tanglefoot a few times. It's made me hesitant to take people at face value. No challenge gives one person the right to "play" another and I intend to be more circumspect in future. I don't want to be sucked in by those lost in self-pity who think it's ok to misrepresent their situation as if the rest of us have nothing better to do than give them our attention whenever they want it.

Yeah, really.

The Market, and the Unseeing People

I've mentioned the market before.... in a previous post. I think community markets are great. You can get all kinds of foods, as well as locally made arts and crafts. These markets are all about locally grown, often organically or naturally grown meats, vegetables, fruits and more. And local artisans offer up unique items of hand-made beauty, as opposed to those department store things made in some off-shore sweat shop or assembly line.

This colourful hanging thing is made of origami birds!


There are always people who understand this and who shop the market all season long, enjoying the varied fruits of the season. But in the past several weeks of "doing" the market in my local community, I've noticed that there are also a lot of lost people who apparently don't see what is around them.


I don't know why these people come to the market. They walk through quickly, not looking left or right at the goods available. It's ok if they don't want to buy, but why would they not open their eyes and take a little look? Pass the time of day with the vendors or with others who've been attracted to the site? But these people seem quite blind to what is going on all around them. They navigate the wandering crowds, the little knobs of people standing chatting.

They aren't even annoyed by the obstacles. They just duck and weave around them and keep walking. They could always just walk through the parking lot, a stone's throw away, if they're just out for a brisk walk, instead of wending their way through the crowds of shoppers, huggers and chatters. There are few obstacles in the parking lot. Just some parked cars. No people, dogs, kids or other moving obstacles to slow them down. And yet.... there they are, seemingly unaware of where they are, what they're doing there, the goods or the humanity around them. Even if they don't see, you'd think they'd notice the smells...
the hot pies, the potato burgers, the herbs! And the garlic! My goodness... the garlic!!

Who are these people? Why are they walking blind? What is their stress that they get up, get dressed and come out to market, yet notice nothing?

Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it. I take joy in talking to all who stop by my table. If they buy, great. If they want to chat, that's cool too. It's all good. And I get to spend my morning enjoying the smells, doing a little shopping of my own, and gabbing with folks. I just can't help wondering about those willfully blind people who weave through the crowds unseeing. Unaware. All I can do is encourage you, the reader, to go out to your community market, and look, see, smell, chat and enjoy. Whatever your stress is, enjoying what is around you is what will help relieve it.