Is it Art?

Is this art? It's a cucumber. At least, it was supposed to be a cucumber. It's rather like me: large arse, little on top. ;o)

Of course, it grew that way because it was an "extra" cucumber plant. Yes, it's true. I had more plants than I had room for. So I put this one in amongst the blueberries. Ack. Blueberries like acid soil. Cucumbers do not. I put some compost into the hole where I planted it, but plainly the po' thang didn't have enough nitrogen to grow properly.

And so, vegetable art. :) Oh wait, it won't keep, and my stomach doesn't care if it's misshapen. ;o)

With a little hummus dip, yum.

Viral What?

Viral marketing: a sales campaign that spreads like a virus. You know, like the Old Spice man. Of course, at least that's mildly entertaining. Elsewhere people desperate to make a buck use not just commercial, but social networks, to spread word of their products.

Mental image: a gaggle of privateers desperate for rumoured treasure, all circling the same few small, leaky boats, offering rescue to those who surrender something... their money, their identity... something of worth. No, not the leaky boat. They're not interested in you, they want what you have. I guess some people are so desperate to escape the leaky boat, bobbing wildly in the swell, they'll do what they must for rescue. They have to be surrendering, or why would the privateers keep circling? Which one will throw the first rope, and at what cost?

And who of all of them is noticing the approaching storm building on the horizon?

Ok, so now I feel like the dude in the white robe walkin' around with the "end of the world" sign.

Nah. Viral marketing has been going on for a long time, in modern terms. It was at the heart of the post war boom. Remember television? It was a newfangled invention then, and it was used to hawk everything from cigarettes and laundry soap to appliances and cars, all in the name of entertainment. It's what villified the dandelion and made suburbanites all want carpety green lawns. Keeping up with the Joneses, it was called. The media by which the viral message is sent has only become increasingly slick over time.

The gathering storm? Well, see, I can't help observing that approximately 85% of the people I encounter on Twitter, for instance, are really trying to sell me something. That's not scientific... just an approximation. I mean, ya never know, maybe some of the people who now seem to be just chatting amiably will suddenly shove something at me they want me to buy. It will be something I've just go to have. It will be a secret something, a special something, an old and wise something that's been re-evaluated and packaged all anew. It will be something I can't live without... like that rescue rope. It may even be available for "free" if I just give up my account password, bank account number or access to my soul.

I just don't see how this is sustainable. I mean, are these privateers buying from each other? Or are those of us bobbing in the swell, in our leaky boats, supposed to make them all rich on the little that we have? There are more of them than us, isn't there? How does this work? *sigh* I guess I'm terribly stupid, because I don't understand how they're going to accumulate wealth when the people using the social network to actually socialize are so few, comparitively speaking. Yeah, I must be missing something essential to getting rich quick, which probably explains why I'm so poor. ;op

This morning there was a pithy message from one of the privateers. It was a quote, 'cause pithy quotes are cool and they're free, like bait on a hook. It said: "Sanity may be madness, but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be." Don Quixote

Ok, a question: what if I see both? What if I see the dirty little truth, but can still see infinite possibility, both at the same time?

Even as I ponder this, the same tweep's next message: "Use the incredible 1,300% of Twitter to claim your life-changing share of 9,490,000 of CB tranactions" [sic]

Ow. Talk about a bitter, jagged little pill. Clearly I'm missing something. Apparently I, alone, have attracted mostly viral marketing types to my tweets. I am to believe that I am sadly unique. *sigh* Another tweet: "Most of us can see the writing on the wall, we just assume it's addressed to someone else." Ivern Ball

Ow again.

Heh. Ok, so no thanks. I don't need anything. My leaky little boat is probably going to sink and I might drown, but clearly I'm quite mad anyway, quite unneeded in a sea of potential social network consumers, and if that isn't the case, I don't think too many of us stand a chance in that storm that's a-comin' anyway. You go, privateers! And good luck!

Garlic, Glorious Garlic

One of my Facebook friends recently shared the fact that beets are now considered the new "wonder" food... or "miracle" food... or whatever. Isn't that great? Well, ok, great news for those of you who like beets. But sorry, I'm just not gonna run right out and buy some. Although, Hubby likes 'em. Might buy a jar for him, already pickled. But, nope, not for me, thanks. ;o)

I told her, it's ok if I don't care for beets, because I do like ginger, and it was a miracle food before beets were, even though I suspect they've both been around for about the same amount of time in human history. But you know, it isn't officially miracle food until some researcher says so.

Even more important, I'm a big fan of garlic. I mean, garlic really is glorious. And healthy? Whoa! Garlic down through history has been reputed to fix everything from the common cold to the Bubonic Plague. We know for sure it's a natural antibiotic and that it's good for the cardiovascular system, most notably because it keeps that bad cholesterol down.

Nothing, ever, will surpass garlic for goodness and health benefits. I'm sure of it. So, no, I don't pickle beets. I do however, as I've shown in previous blogs, pickle dill cukes. And there is a piece of garlic in most of those bottles. (There'd be garlic in them all, but sometimes I forget to drop it in before I put the lid on.) Usually it's my own garlic in there. The only other garlic that comes through my door is either locally grown, or when I can't get that, I will buy U.S. grown garlic, in a pinch. But I try to either grow enough, or buy enough at market, to get me through the year. Problem is, I use a lot of garlic. It's in my hummus dip, spaghetti sauce, other pasta dishes, ratitoulles, sauces and dressings. I chop it coarse, chop it fine, roast it, grate it and crush it. I mean, it's garlic. It goes.

Garlic is ready to pick in mid to late July. Like... now. And above is one of mine. I just pulled them out of the ground... about 30 bulbs of ... yes, glorious home-grown garlic. :) Miracle food supreme.

Aaaa~Choooo!!

Oy, ragweed. It's not sneezy yet, but it's growin' healthy out in my yard, getting ready to bloom and start causing trouble.

Every year in late summer, the news talks about ragweed and the impact the pollen has on so many of us. But I have NEVER seen the photo crew actually find ragweed to show on TV. They film all kinds of natural weeds, often golden rod, which is rarely responsible for allergic reactions.

So here's what ragweed looks like:

Out of the center of this will grow a spike, and the spike will develop little yellow flowers, and those little flowers, in turn, will put out a pollen that could make you sneeze, and make your eyes irritated, etc. (We call it hay fever, but it ain't hay.)

This is the time of year to put on your hat, sunglasses and garden gloves, and go out and pluck out all you can find in your yard, before it blooms. You won't get all the root, so one sunny day about a year from now, you'll have to do the same thing. No big whoop, right? Do your pluckin' then enjoy a nice glass of iced tea and relax. By plucking it out before it flowers, you'll reduce the ill effects for your family. I know, I know... you'll still get sneezy from your neighbours' ragweed. But it's got to start somewhere, right? And getting rid of the ragweed closest to you will help.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my tea is brewing for homemade iced tea, hat on my head, garden gloves at the ready... I'm off to pluck ragweed. Mwahahahaha!

It's Picklin' Time!

As well as the local market on Saturdays, which I blogged about below, there's a larger flea market a few communities away, near the farm where we buy our organic chicken and bison burgers. It takes place on Thursdays and Sundays.
The difference between a farmers' market and a flea market is that the former has produce and food products, such as cheeses, meats, smoked fish and baking, etc., and plants, and not too much else. The flea market has all this, as well as t-shirts, socks, toys, books, records, (yes.. not a brain fart.. RECORDS), collectibles, jewellery and more. This larger market is usually the first to have dill cukes. So while my daughter perused the clothing and music stands, I went 'round to all the produce stalls to check out the wee cukes.

We got there a bit late, and there was a storm being called for, so vendors were already packing up. For me, that was a good thing, because produce vendors don't generally want to take their products home again. I picked up some bargains, including 3 baskets of lovely looking dill cukes.

So, today I shall make dills. It's hot and humid out, so working over hot brine is going to be a drippy experience. But if you don't work up a good sweat making pickles, you ain't doin' something right. ;o)

Picklin' time!!

How My Garden Grows

Ok, just a little taste because what comes fresh out of the garden tastes so good.

I needed a potato. Hmmmm... all out. Should I go to the store or the local stand and get some? No.... wait.... if the local stand has some already, then..... I wonder.

I wandered down the yard . A couple of the potato plants were kind of in the way of the dill cuke plant. I picked on those. Here's what I found.

One plant out of the way of the dill cukes.



Two potato plants out of the way.... and there's a couple more potatoes there yet. Found 'em after I took this picture. This is where french fries come from, kids!

One potato, two potato, three potato, four.... Are all the potatoes ready?


See those little dibs on there? They would have grown bigger, so I'm just going to leave the rest of the potatoes alone. I've got enough for now... I'll pick as I need them.

So, what else is ready? Well the garlic is... I'll get all of that out of the garden tomorrow and do it up ready for pickling season. How 'bout the tomatoes?

Unless you want fried green tomatoes, those have got a ways to go yet.

The zucchini squash is about the size of a man's finger. There are peas on the pea plants and flowers still on the bean plants. Mmmmmm.... food. It's all comin' along. :)

Lavendar Biscuits...

..sort of. Ok, here's what I did. Using my fave biscuit recipe as a guide, I combined some bean flour, sourghum flour and almond flour. I added a tbsp. of brown sugar, baking powder, and just a tiddle of salt. I used vegetable shortening for the fat needed. Now I can't have dairy, so no milk. My lavendar is fully in bloom and I've been wanting to cook with some, so I went for it. I put in about a tbsp. of the fresh flowers, and for the liquid, I made a light tisane using just a few lavendar leaves. I didn't want to handle the dough too much, so I mixed it and spooned it into muffin tins and put them in the oven.

Now, I'm not giving you the exact recipe because it didn't work. It was by no means my most spectacular failure in the kitchen. The biscuits would almost need to go boom to get there. But it's back to the proverbial drawing board.




They just didn't rise. Now, I didn't use creme of tartar because I don't know for sure if it's gluten free. I must look into that. (I don't actually know what the stuff is. I mean, it isn't creamy, is it? How can a powder even be called "creme?") And I didn't add soda. Thinking now I should have.

So my biscuits were too well cooked on the outside and not cooked enough on the inside... typical of no rising power. However, they were actually kind of tasty anyway and I ate two of 'em for lunch. I probably won't eat all the rest, but I'm not just discarding them all at least.

The other correction I'll make is to add more lavendar. I think I was a little afraid of it, because if you use too much, you can wind up with food that tastes like perfume and is bitter. But with the almond in there especially, there just wasn't enough lavendar. Next time I'll add more flowers and make a stronger tisane.

Onward!

Heat Waves and Writer's Block

It's hot. Really hot. Should a person who doesn't like winter be complaining? Well... yeah. The humidity is ridiculous.

But being who I am, I decide to make the best of it. I figure I'll do some writing. Sure... too hot to do anything too active, so it's a good time to be getting some words down on paper... um... no... um... screen? Yeah.

Ok, I flashback to the ol' days now and again. At the moment I guess I can just blame the heat.

Problem is, while I don't often have trouble coming up with things to write about, I have my own kind of writer's block. Distractions. I mean, when I write I go to another place in my psyche. I'm deep, man. I'm searching the corridors of my mind for just the right words to use to describe.... whatever. And there, suddenly, in my face, is the face of my teen telling me all about some rocker dude she really, really likes. She's telling me about his latest song, his video, his real name, the names of all his band-mates, his mother's dress size.......

Huh? I was writing here! *sigh* She goes away, but no sooner am I back in those dimly lit corridors of my mind than there's that face again.

"Mom.... Mom.... will you make me a burger"

GEEEEEEZZZZ!!!!! She's old enough to feed herself, for pity's sake! She knows how to use the microwave!!

It's too hot for this. It's too hot to even scold her. Now that I'm distracted, I might as well make her the damned burger, which will keep her quiet for at least as long as it takes her to inhale it.

Done, I sit back down in front of the computer. Where was I?

Hubby walks by. You know, the way the young men where their pants down around their arses just looks stupid. "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground..." And old plumbers whose bum cracks show when they bend over.... geez... gross. But there's something about those new swim shorts on hubby that looks fine. Makes me think of those late winter nights when he crouches naked in front of the wood stove to make sure there's a good fire going. Looks so... so... primitive...

Is it hot in here? Oh wait... yeah.... there's a heat wave. I'm gonna go for a cool shower. So much for the writing.

An ~ ti ~ ci ~ pa ~ tion...

Ah yes ~ anticipation. Sweet anticipation.

I found 'em. You know those alternative, gluten-free flours I was hoping to find? Well, they were out there the whole time. Just had to go to the right place to find 'em. So here they are, 6 alternative flours.. sourghum, chic pea, quinoa, whole bean, brown rice, dark buckwheat. Yep. And some alum-free baking powder too!

Oh boy.... flour.... um... um... now what?

Hehehe... right. So I guess I'll start with some bisquits from scratch.. don't wanna think too big at the get-go. Thing is, it's just too darned hot to bake ANYTHING right now anyhow. In the meantime, I'll check out Shawna James Ahern's gluten free girl, Chickie Pea's blog on facebook, The Healthy Haven blog, glutenfreefun.com, etc. for suggestions and how to. I'll make a list.

Yeah, that's what I'll do.. a list of baking projects I can start with just as soon as the weather cools a bit. So.. yep.

Aarrrggghh.. anticipation...

Face the Fireworks!

This is the time of year when, north of the U.S./Canada border, we celebrate Canada Day on July 1st, and to the south, ya'll celebrate Independence Day, aka the 4th of July. Well we all traditionally celebrate with fireworks, and you have to be facing them to see them, or what's the point. ;o) Here are some that may not be as spectacular as the real thing, but at least they're safe... and I think they're interesting. :)

Hubby decided to try to get some photos of the fireworks. Here's a sample of what he got:

And here are some sites that offer virtual/cyber fireworks displays. Hey, for those of you with little kids, might keep them busy for awhile. Y'know? ;o)

http://www.cyberfireworks.com/

http://www.maylin.net/Fireworks.html

Just for fun today.

1-800 Are you kidding me?

So all these conglomerized companies have a web site and a 1-800 number. Well, I opted to try the web site, because even though I'm somewhat tech-challenged, I've called that 1-800 number before, only to wind up talking with someone who is unknowing and haughty about it.

One time I called a company we'll call PC to ask for more information about a product, only to be told the product didn't exist because it wasn't on her list. It was there, in my hand as I spoke with her. I read the product info directly off the package. But apparently I was living in some other dimension at that moment because the product I was holding, I was repeatedly assured, did not exist. *tweet tweet*

Hoping to avoid that bizarre dimension again, I went to the web site and clicked on "contact us." Of course, it wasn't that simple ~ there are hoops to jump through. But finally I got to an email box that told me to just go ahead and pour my heart out. Fortunately, I didn't waste that much time, but I did state the problem, then I hit "submit." It wouldn't accept my comments though, because I hadn't put my full name and address, only my email addy. OK... so I searched for those little boxes where you can put the required info. There just weren't any... not up, not down, not sideways... no boxes. So I typed in the required info under my name and hit "submit." Nope. Hehe... very tricky. Get consumers to get it all off their chests and then don't accept their comments. Interesting PR strategy.

So... yep... I called the 1-800 number. The first thing they made me do was listen to a very loud, long commercial for their freakin' mac n' cheese product (which no one in our house will EVER use) before taking me to an "expert." I told her, if consumers are grumpy by the time they get to her, they have ample reason. I regaled her with my web site adventure and suggested she tell her bosses to deep six the damned phone commercial, if only to save wear and tear on people like her. I went light though... afterall, this isn't the CEO on the phone. T'would that it t'were.

No, I'm on the line with only a company expert. Right. Now, there was a time in my life when I thought people who were supposed to be experts would actually know something, but I'm thinking I was just young and naive myself and wanted to believe in faeries... I mean.. experts. I remember my dad saying about experts: "X is a sign for an unknown quantity and a spurt is a drip under pressure." It comes back to me at regular intervals somehow.

Sure enough, on the other end of the phone is a young... may I say... blonde. (C'mon, you know what I mean.) She sounded... um... perky. I was really in no mood, but I asked her if her company carries a gluten-free mayo product. She responded that they're not allowed to say anything is gluten-free, but if there was gluten in the product in question, it would have the wheat or other grain mentioned on the label. (Because, of course, I'm really stupid and didn't read the label before calling.) *sigh*

Ok, patience... Thing is, I have Shauna James Ahern's book, gluten free girl, sitting beside me wherein she's written about "hidden" sources of gluten, such as corn dextrin, so I say so. The girl repeats her schpeal. I repeat, "but there could be other sources..." and again, she repeats her well-rehearsed schpeal. Clearly I'm speaking to a perky programmed 'droid. Great. Of course, Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. Clearly I'm floating dangerously close to this space.

I gave up. What else? It's probably what these companies hope we'll all do ~ just give up in exasperation. Only the bottom line matters, so why waste time on consumer questions? *sigh* So I gave the girl my address when she asked, so she could send me coupons. See, 'cause that's what they do... you have a problem, they send coupons ~ for products you don't even want. (But hey, maybe the BIL can use them, eh?)

So I have to face it. The gluten-free mayo I bought in the health food section of my local grocery store may be a little overbearing, but I'm going to have to get used to it. At least the cider vinegar that makes it taste so strong is good for me. *sigh*

People. What a species.

Mmm.. That Market!

Do you have a farmers' market in your town? We do. We're so lucky to have it there, down by docks, nestled into the pavilion, which is surrounded every Saturday morning by canopies seeming to sprout from the very pavement. There's nothing like sauntering past the stalls of tantilizing foods and beautiful crafts in the fresh summer breezes off the bay. People come by boat, car, bike and on foot to enjoy these special goods.

Our market features hand-made, homemade, homegrown, organic and fair trade goods. I NEVER take enough money for all my purchases. I just run out before I'm through because there's just always something new!

Today we bought butter tarts, fresh basil, raspberry-apple crisp, Ying-Yang hummus dip (half garlic/half roasted red pepper), organic ground beef, meat pies, Jamacian meat patties, elk pepperettes (the hot ones), berries, and more. Another great thing about an outdoor market is that you don't have to leave the dog in the car. (Although you do have to scoop.) ;o)

I not only LOVE getting hold of high-quality, healthy, locally grown/made goods, I enjoy supporting the local economy by shopping at the markets and downtown businesses, instead of the big box stores. I like that the small businesses will order what I want, instead of telling me what I must settle for (because it's what they carry). And I like that they don't lie to me about their goods being organic (as the big box store here has been caught doing), and they don't presume to censor the goods (like music) available to my family. OK, it costs me a bit more, but that's because the local stores and markets can't artificially lower their prices in an effort to crush the competition. They don't need to. I don't want temporarily artificial prices that I know will skyrocket once the competition is out of the way. I just want fair prices. And so I choose to give my business to local small entrepreneurs.

Overall, it's economically better for my community than those no-benefits, minium wage jobs at the box store.

Where do you shop?

Skum n' Bread

Ok, so you're already bleched out. But really, it's not that bad.

When I was a little kid, it was just standard stuff that strawberry season = homemade jam. We'd go off to school in the morning quite unsuspecting that it was a special day. But then we'd come home to the luscious smell of hot strawberry jam filling the whole house. We'd scarcely get the back door open before yelling, with ridiculous, child-like glee, "SKUM 'N BREAD!"

Ok, so see, when you make jam out of red berries ~ strawberries, raspberries, even strawberry/rhubarb ~ you have to skim it. This is because, as you cook the berries, a pink froth appears on the top of the hot jam. The more you cook it, the more pink froth just magically appears. When I first asked Mom what that pink stuff was, she replied, "skum." I don't know if she was trying to gross us out so we wouldn't want it, or if it just followed for her that the stuff skimmed off jam was skum. But there it is. And it was good. Mom didn't have to knock herself out making a big dinner after making jam. The kids, at least, were already full of skum and bread.

When I make jam, I skim... to a point. If I just kept skimming ~ endlessly ~ there'd be no jam left, so when most of the skum is off, I bottle up my jam. That pink coating on top of the last jar? Well that's the one I keep for the fam, but if there's some pink fluff on yours, donworryaboutit.

It's just skum.

It's all good. :)

Eat jam responsibly. ;o)

Strawberry Jam

6 cups cleaned strawberries, cut the bigger ones in half

4 and 1/2 cups refined sugar

2 tbsp. fresh lemon juice

Put into a large saucepan and cook till it's jam. Bottle it up in sterilized jam jars, and place sterilized lids on top. Enjoy.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

Captain Canada and His Beaver People
(A story for Canada Day)

As Captain Canada foraged through the tall stalks of corn, his beaver people meekly followed.

"Don't move too fast," he advised. "Someone might see the stalks waving around and know we're here."

Quickly and quietly the group picked several cobs of corn, then weaved their way out of the field, back to the beat up car by the side of the country road. Throwing the corn into the trunk, they took off in a cloud of oily exhaust fumes, back to the city.

There, in an untidy apartment above a pizza joint, they shucked and boiled the corn.

"Don't cook it too long!" said one beaver. "It will make it tough."

After 10 minutes they tried it, but it was too hard to bite into, so they threw it back into the hot water. After 20 minutes, same thing. After 30 minutes, "I don't think this is edible," offered Captain Canada.

"It's cow corn," said one beaver, disparagingly.

Hence, Captain Canada and his beaver people learned a lesson about the difference between corn grown for human consumption, and that grown for farm animals. It was a hard lesson.

So they passed a pipe around and tried to think what to do next.

After a while, one beaver piped up, "let's go for pizza!" So they all got up and went down stairs.

Let this be a lesson to you young people:

1) Never steal corn. (It's just wrong.)
2) Never follow anyone who calls himself, Captain Canada.
(Now that's just crazy.)
3) Never allow yourself to be referred to as a "beaver."
(Unless you're a young Girl Guide.)
4) Never drive an ecologically unsafe vehicle.
(Gov't won't let ya anyway.)
5) Never share a pipe.
(The potential for germs.. Dr. Oz would be mortified.)

Happy Canada Day!