HAPPY CANADA DAY!

Captain Canada and His Beaver People
(A story for Canada Day)

As Captain Canada foraged through the tall stalks of corn, his beaver people meekly followed.

"Don't move too fast," he advised. "Someone might see the stalks waving around and know we're here."

Quickly and quietly the group picked several cobs of corn, then weaved their way out of the field, back to the beat up car by the side of the country road. Throwing the corn into the trunk, they took off in a cloud of oily exhaust fumes, back to the city.

There, in an untidy apartment above a pizza joint, they shucked and boiled the corn.

"Don't cook it too long!" said one beaver. "It will make it tough."

After 10 minutes they tried it, but it was too hard to bite into, so they threw it back into the hot water. After 20 minutes, same thing. After 30 minutes, "I don't think this is edible," offered Captain Canada.

"It's cow corn," said one beaver, disparagingly.

Hence, Captain Canada and his beaver people learned a lesson about the difference between corn grown for human consumption, and that grown for farm animals. It was a hard lesson.

So they passed a pipe around and tried to think what to do next.

After a while, one beaver piped up, "let's go for pizza!" So they all got up and went down stairs.

Let this be a lesson to you young people:

1) Never steal corn. (It's just wrong.)
2) Never follow anyone who calls himself, Captain Canada.
(Now that's just crazy.)
3) Never allow yourself to be referred to as a "beaver."
(Unless you're a young Girl Guide.)
4) Never drive an ecologically unsafe vehicle.
(Gov't won't let ya anyway.)
5) Never share a pipe.
(The potential for germs.. Dr. Oz would be mortified.)

Happy Canada Day!